Monthly Archives: March 2019

Explaining some of my behavior the past few days:


community standards sometimes are just as bad as HOA’s/

seems foolish me freaking out about taking the dog to the vet but..bad memories

My fear about my dog is me, I just have to do what I said I wouldn’t do. Have to make it right in me.. And live with my choice it’s a internal thing I’m dealing with. He has to go to the vet, making the appointment tomorrow..

I feel for those who have to leave pets to live somewhere. That is a very real pain, one that should be done away with. It’s not the animals fault it’s the prejudiced of people that is the cause of that pain. People projecting their fears on others is the cause and should be made illegal. Now I can see some reason for some of it but yeah.. I feel for you..

my fear about my dog was me listening to someone I shouldn’t of. myself/

ever been so stressed your own brain starts making you invent problems to be stressed about. I’m there

I have to take my dog to the vet, and go back on my word. The last time I was at the vet I had to put my other dog down. I dread him going to the vet. but it has to be done for us to move. and I also promised him he wouldn’t be fixed, but.. hope he forgives me.. but if we want to move its the price we’ll have to pay. so I can imagine what people feel like when they have dogs and a place says you can’t have your dog. because some asinine rule/

hope that helps explain my fear over the past couple of days, hate doctors, hate vets. having to hold my baby while she was put down took more of a toll on me then I thought. just been stressful week. hanging in there though

and if places say dogs allowed then have a list of what breeds aren’t welcome isn’t that false advertisement? now if they say certain restrictions apply then it’s sort of alright, but the wording is messed up. and isn’t like like saying “I don’t like curly hair and you have it so your not welcome” OR “you’re a certain race your not welcome” where are the animal rights, and to stop someone from living somewhere because you don’t like their pet…… kind of petty I think but just hits me wrong..

or even judge on an individual basis for the animal. I’ve seen little yabby dogs that are more viscous then some of the breeds they say aren’t welcome. you know those annoying ankle biters.

guess my ranting is because of being an activist against such things. And making you abide by arbitrary rules that are due lots of times to persons biases sucks. I understand it to a point, but it is discriminatory in nature and my gut reaction is to fight it. I understand people own the land and can do with it what they please. but they are also offering you the service of the land so it should be …. I lost track.. but you see I feel very deeply for it.. After the stress is over in a few days when we get the final okay I will be my old crazy self again. Just been very stressful past week.

Trauma induced stress.. like PTSD: bad memories that haunt you even though you thought you got over it.

29 years ago today


29 years ago today the vehicle I was in was hit by a drunk driver. I don’t celebrate the day that changed my life, too painful.

My life ended 29 years ago today and a new life began. A life filled will pain and seizures, the good in it is what I have done since then. What I have built for myself through the pain. A lot of things ended 29 years ago,new things have happened since then, some I am truly grateful for, some not so much. I lost a lot, but gained as well. NO I don’t celebrate today.

I died 29 years ago today, I came back 29 years ago today. The struggles I face still stem from 2 accidents around that time about 8 months apart. I am reminded daily of those days, no way I can not think of it daily. I’ve had a migraine everyday since then,a permanent reminder of that day. I suffer from seizures due to and stemming from those events. But it tends to keep me humble.

I got few blessings from those events, the only thing it’s done is change how I view the world. I don’t remember most of my life before those accidents most of it was wiped out; due to the head trauma I received. I changed a lot.

I want to thank those who have stood by me in my struggles since then, those who I rely on and help me get through each day. Those who never left my side or said I’m faking all the trauma, that at times is daily still. I also want to tell those who have left because of my condition thank you as well, you made me strong to face it on my own. I have learned so much from being like this over the years.

I’ll end it on this note, live your life to it’s fullest you never know when it will could end, it might be a blink of an eye and it’s over.

Wishing my wife a happy 24th Anniversary


A BIG SHOUT OUT TO MY WIFE SUSAN SUTPHIN

I taking this time while she’s asleep here at the beach to write this to her. I love you, I just wished we both felt better, and the kids felt better as well. Having fun none the less, enjoying being alone for one of the few times in the past 24 years.

I want to take this time to thank my wife of 24 years, this woman has stood by me through it all. These last 24 years have had their moments both good and bad, happy and sad, all the contradictions that can come into play. I want to thank her for being there for me to depend on. Sometimes we get to caught up in the little moments to say thank you for being my friend. And you truly are, you are crazy, and I know crazy..

We might not have the best of everything but we got each other and that is rare.. Most people just talk but we are. I couldn’t ask for a better partner in crime… Love you girl, forever and always, I did, I do, I will…..