In the eyes of a child..
When I was a child I saw the world around me in black, white and grey. Like the old time cartoons of my youth. Everything was clear no harsh blurred lines. I understood everything, felt safe and in control. Then a stranger comes in, disguised as a friend and tears my world apart; and opens my child eyes to the real world of living color and I am no longer safe. I can’t go back to that safe world of black and white. Everytime I shut my eyes now I dream in color. No more safety of the simple world of a child. They then wonder why I scream and am angry. I was robbed of my innocence and part of me was broken for a lie. No one offered to make it right only make it stop. It ended and now the hole is still there. I’ve felt the bitterness of a friend turn away and threaten to kill me and my family. I seen the dangers that lies cause and am frightened and scared. I put up with people who don’t understand me telling me I’m wrong and stupid. I am belittled and picked on because I am different then most of the others. I am upset and lonely because no one understands me. I wish it all would stop.
And time freezes. Stuck there is the child wanting the world to change. Understanding as a child. Looking now through eyes of a man I still see the horror, the pain, the chaos of the world and I still understand it as a child. But I have a different outlook on it. The child was made to wake up too early and is scared and frightened of the dark. But there is nothing in the dark that isn’t there in the light. The child must learn that he is not alone. There are people there who have been through the same things and felt the same way. There are times when things go haywire and everything is going to hell in a hand basket and then they stop and your left there going “um”.
You realize the world was never in black and white that your parents let you stay there till you were old enough to view the real world in living color. Because they knew that once you see the truth there is no going back inside the egg where it was safe. They protect you as long as they can and hope that everything they teach you sinks in and helps you in life.
I write this from the eyes of my child’s inner me. Looking at it with eyes wide open. Not trying to fix a problem with my eyes shut tight never seeing the whole truth. I wish more people understood me.
To my son, “I do understand…”
I wrote this to my son on 20071221 when he was going through a rough time in life.