2011/01/08 just thoughts..


This is part of my blog that was missing from 2009-2011… Just some stuff I was thinking at the time.

“I have had a lot of time to think and ponder and have decided that since one voice doesn’t seem to matter to anyone, I have let my website and blog go. The past is prologue and it will not return. I can’t go back in my life and fix what people or myself have phucked up. I have only the here and now to take care of things.
I am tired of the people who only want everything for themselves. They hurt and betray you and then blame you for their actions. If you can’t take responsibility for your own actions, don’t blame others who were helping you when you fell. You made the pit and fell in and then blame everyone for your actions. As I have stated before, I AM NOT PERFECT I MAKE MISTAKES. But I have learnt from those mistakes and try my hardest not to make those same mistakes again.
I can not save everyone, not even myself. I have learnt the hard way you earthlings can’t get along with anyone. You always need to be the center of attention and have to have things your own way. When you get it your not happy, if you don’t get it your not happy. I have seen this world and am tired of it. I am here for only two people and those people know who they are.
I will turn my back on humanity and now have no mercy for you. I care not for you or your kind. Stay with your own kind and leave me alone. I have forgiven myself and stand here now waiting. Hoping that the year 2012 does bring about destruction, bloodshed, war, famine and pestilence. I hope for the end of this age and wait for the beginning of the new age. The age that brings truth and equality to this plain of existence and if it doesn’t come so be it. A new age where your word and deeds are more important then your greed.
I have loved some so much and given them everything an unconditional love and in return I have been used and betrayed by those same people. Yet I still love you and care for you. Just don’t be expecting anything else from me. Today it ends. A splendid dream of awful things that now has come to be. You use and use and give little to nothing back and expect the balance to be the same.
There are immutable laws of the universe that you can’t change. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. For everything given there is an equal amount taken. You can’t keep giving and giving and get nothing back, you can’t take and take without giving back. You have to respect others and do for them. If they continue to take from you their greed will overwhelm them and consume them, till there is nothing left. I only care for those who stick with me and continue to give to me as I have given to them. I have friends and people who know that if I give my word I will do everything in my power to keep it. If I am able. If things are out of my hands and I can’t keep my word is it really my fault?
If I give my word and you do things that prevent me from doing as I say is it my fault that I can’t keep my word? If you sabotage everything I do then blame me should I not have the right to not want anything to do with you. And this isn’t just to one person this is to the whole human race. Everyone has their own opinions and beliefs, everyone thinks a certain way and does things according to their thinking. BUT when you blame everyone and everything for your wrong actions, who actually is wrong there?
If you don’t want the truth from me don’t ask me to be truthful. Don’t ask me what I think then blast me for my thoughts. Don’t ask if you don’t really want an answer. I will be happy to not tell you anything. But if your my friend and can’t handle the truth don’t be my friend. Don’t hold it against me just leave me be. I am happy being only with those who are close to me. Any others oh well. Your opinions don’t mean crap to me. If I believe something and it’s wrong who did I hurt? If I act on those beliefs and do something wrong then who is wrong? If you don’t like what I have to say go away. Don’t tell me your better then me and you know what’s best.
There are times I tell people what will happen and here lately I am more and more accurate. I don’t know if it’s psychic or if I’m just intuitive? Maybe both. I do see things that will happen and I tell people in the hopes that they will see and avoid the pitfalls. But most are so damn blind and stupid as to tell me I have no way of knowing what they are about to do and then they do exactly what I said they would. Then they tell me I am wrong. How can someone who tells you exactly what you will do and you do it be wrong? How can I hit on things and still be blind and stupid. If a blind man tells you the bridge ahead is out and you go and wreck because you did go the other way whose fault is it. To then argue with the blind person because they had no way of knowing the bridge was out, who is in the wrong? If I tell you not to do something and in your arrogance and foolishness you do it, who is to blame? And you then tell me it was everything else but your own fault, whose to blame?
If I do happen to know something is about to happen, no matter how I know it, is it not my right and responsibility to inform you of it? Especially if it will hurt you or someone close to you. If your actions will cause an upset and hurt is it not proper to warn you before you make the mistake in hopes you will avoid the fall?
And does it really matter how I get my information? If I tell you something’s going to happen, and you chose to do as you wish then that thing happens, how is it then that I am wrong? Because you can’t figure out how I knew? As I said who is the wrong one me for telling you or you for not listening?
No as I said before I am not better then anyone else just different. And it is these difference that are making living in this plain of existence harder and harder as the days go by. I’ll end it here for now.”

Author: lordnelga

Freelance press photographer, photojournalist, investigative journalist.


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